Dear Cats...
Dealing With an Evil Boss
Escaping a Dead-End Job
Encouraging Lifeless Co-Workers
Curing a Cube Clutterer
Solving a Smelly Dilemma
Thawing Out Chilly Colleagues
I've worked my way up from warehouse labor to Customer Service Manager in a small company. My new boss is a 20-year colleague of the CEO, and my worst nightmare. She’s malicious, annoying, manipulative, delusional, and a liar who delegates a billion menial tasks to me and rips me apart when they're not done on time.
Her treatment brings out my worst qualities, which she published in my recent review. Now I'm on notice. Everyone in the office knows how hard I work and how valuable I am. I’ve struggled with her to be human and realistic, but she is truly insane. I love my job. Should I quit and let her "win?" – Wasting One of My 9 Lives
Adele: It sounds like this company has done all it can for you and it's time to move on. Here's what a smart cat would do: Since you’re a manager, start looking for jobs as good or better. Then every time your malicious boss tries to put the bite on you, just smile and humor her because you know her abuse is only temporary. You’re as good as out of there!
Trust me, you’ll find another job to love. And when you find it, you are the winner. Your boss will be the loser because she has cost the company a good employee. If she is really as bad as you say, it's only a matter of time before the big dogs see a pattern and she gets the boot.
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I realized lately that I might have a cat personality. I’m sick and tired of working a dead-end job and would prefer to live my life as a house cat instead. What’s the best way to prepare myself to become a more confident cat? I need to find an owner who is willing, ready and able to treat me right. Any suggestions or tips? – “Ready for a Change”
Fred: Even if you’ve recently tapped into your inner cat and you’ve wasted a lot of time in crummy jobs, the good news is that you can always make a switch. But I have to warn you that many companies are not yet feline-friendly. They cling to their canine ways, expecting everyone to follow the leader of the pack, chase every stick, and not ask too many questions. In organizations like this, being a unique and intelligent being will get you nowhere.
Yul: You need to look for employers who recognize your outstanding feline qualities and who want to make the most of your talents. You’ll often find them in smaller companies that aren’t choking on their own bureaucracy and treating everyone like a number.
When you find the right employer, your days of pointless, boring jobs are over. When’s the last time you ever saw a cat sitting at a dead end? That’s why they use mice to run mazes. Their tolerance for getting jerked around is off the charts.
Adele: The main thing to look for in your new employer is kindness. Kindness includes interesting work, pleasant conditions, a reasonable amount of time off, a flexible work schedule if you want one, and treats you’ll enjoy, like praise and bonuses. When the environment is humane, you rarely find yourself surrounded by abused, depressing dogs and back-stabbing rats.
Fred: Keep working on your cat mindset. When you feel confident that you’ve got the looks and brains to do anything, you’ll feel less stressed and more adventurous. You’ll stop chasing your tail. You’ll go after what you really want, and you’ll know how to enjoy it. Good luck!
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What are your best tips to encourage lifeless co-workers to enjoy a truly motivational CD from a well-known speaker? You can lead a cat to milk...
– "Frustrated"
Adele: I feel your annoyance. I love to watch this great motivational tape called Video Catnip. It always puts me in a “queen of the jungle” mood.
Yul: Yeah, her enthusiasm is embarrassing. She leaps on the TV and swats at the birds and rodents on the screen. Doesn’t matter how many times she’s seen it – she always falls for it.
Adele: I’m just playing. I know TV isn’t real.
Yul: Which is why Fred and I never buy it. Give us real prey any day!
Fred: Yul just pinpointed the problem with motivation. It’s different things to different animals. What you may consider exhilarating, dogs don’t get and rats find hokey.
Yul: To counter apathy, you need to spell out what the payoff is because your co-workers are obviously too dumb to see it themselves. Tell them specifically what problems the CD can solve. Simply “getting motivated” is too vague.
Fred: You know, hype it like The Secret. There’s no limit to the stupid, empty advice people will swallow if they think they’re discovering the meaning of their one life.
Adele: And instead of trying to convert all the rats, go after just a few with big mouths. If they like the CD, they’ll spread the word for you – like the plague – rats are good at that.
Fred: But expect some holdouts. Being brainless and listless obviously works or these people wouldn’t be your co-workers in the first place.
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My employee has too much clutter in her cubicle. How can I convince her to clean up her cube? – "Her Meownager"
Fred: I think we’ve got a similar situation. Yul loves to fling our catnip toys (LOTS of them—we’re really spoiled) all over the house until he finds the perfect one to suit his mood du jour.
Yul: You got a problem with that? I prefer to keep all my choices right in front of me so I don’t miss anything.
Fred: In deciding how to handle it, ask yourself: Is the clutter for business or pleasure? In Yul’s case, it’s pure pleasure.
Yul: Pure pleasure IS my business!
Fred: As I was saying, if your employee has personal junk that’s distracting, dangerous, makes her look bad, or violates company policy, she’s asking for a smack on the nose. You’re perfectly justified in telling her to clean up her space. Any mother cat would warn her kitten.
Yul: But if it’s all work-related, unless she’s compromising information by leaving it lying around, you just have to accept that some cats prefer keeping their business covered and some don’t care who sees their big, messy piles. Right Fred?
Fred: Let’s keep the litterbox out of this. But yes, I have to agree with Yul. Some cats use clutter as camouflage. It makes them feel safe. If you force her to tidy up just to make yourself feel better, you may end up with a neurotic mess who chews her tail, which is even more annoying.
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A co-worker has the nasty habit of taking off his shoes. His feet don’t exactly smell like fresh catnip, if you know what I mean. What can I do? — "Holding My Nose "
Yul: It’s a shame Mr. Stinky Toes never licks his feet. Cat toes never smell and we walk through kitty litter!
I’m assuming you prefer not to confront this problem head-on by saying something, so you need to send a subtle message. Whenever you find his shoes unoccupied, drop in a few rubber bands or paperclips. At first, it’ll confuse and annoy him to find office supplies between his offensive tootsies. But if you’re patient and consistent, he’ll eventually learn that he needs to keep his shoes on to keep the junk out. (I put rubber bands in Fred’s bowl all the time, just to see if he’ll eat one.)
Fred: So that’s you! If Yul’s excellent strategy doesn’t work, I think Mr. Stinky could use a discreet nip on the ankle, but not hard enough to send him running (barefoot) to HR screaming, “Rabies!”
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I recently started a new job and my co-workers aren’t friendly. It’s getting pretty lonely around here. Any tips on how to become one of the gang? — "Newbie"
Adele: Been there, done that. I’m the newest addition to my organization, too. Yul and Fred were pretty cold cats when I arrived.
The solution may be exhausting for a while, but it works. You need to be the “perfect” cat because they’re testing you. Here’s how I did it: I always kept my whiskers perky and my tail up, I didn’t leap to be first at mealtime, I laughed at all their lame dumb dog jokes, and I was always careful to cover my “biz” in the box so they wouldn’t step in it.
Eventually, the guys came around. Today, they let me have my pick of whom I cuddle up and sleep with—not that I’m suggesting you take it that far!
Yul: Adele’s right. She’s so darn cute and friendly, we let her get away with murder. But she’s also a fair referee whenever Fred and I scrap over who’s Alpha Cat around here. She’s earned her place in the firm.
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